I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
