sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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