I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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