I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she peed on how many people?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
