Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
