I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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