Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
