You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
