Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
