I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
