its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize