6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
