Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
