They should really pass out barf bags in church
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
