I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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