I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pants are for mortals
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
