I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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