I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
