the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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