oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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