im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
