I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
