i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I looked at my own cervix.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize