i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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