we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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