So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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