He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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