Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
