the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
