i think i have two assholes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
