well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I supernannyed him into submission
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
