I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
