I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
