Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize