the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
