you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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