I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
