he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize