My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
