i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
