This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
