Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
