i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
