I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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