when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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