she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
