There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
