I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
