i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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