You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love having hate sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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