Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
