My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
