Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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