clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
