so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
