I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
