Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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