i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
