I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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