All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize