I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
