Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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