Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
