I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
