I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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