dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
